From My Journal: Faith Restored

November 5, 2012: For the last two days we have had a revival of our warmer autumn weather. People are wandering our Eugene streets in a daze - “What an unexpected surprise,” they exclaim. “If this is global warming, we embrace it.” An ever widening smile crosses my face. I'm looking up through the branches of our neighboring maple tree, watching the yellowish, red leaves floating to the ground. Our block is aglow with color and light. I can't contain my spirit indoors this morning. With my second latte I'm wandering down the streets, peering into Chris and Sophia's garden and seeing how secure Liz has made her house. She and Bill left yesterday for their winter sojourn in Mexico. How much they will miss by not being part of the rhythm of our Northwest seasons. Though I know I will complain about winter's darkness, I don't want to be far away from my home turf.

Why can't I absorb this light, store it like the squirrels store their nuts for the winter? My spirit feels so relieved when the light appears. I promised myself I would try to confront my shadows, look into my darker corners this winter. But what a fickle friend of winter I am. While the Northeast has been devastated by storm Sandy, we have been given a return summer treat. Do we realize how lucky we are? Do we embrace unexpected surprises with gratitude or take them for granted?

I realize the answer to my tendency to monotony is to be mindful of the ecstatic moments. And to confront my ever present underground fears. I want to keep adding jewels on the side of life's preciousness so it will outweigh the denser stones of life's pains. I want to chop up my melancholy into bite size pieces so they are more easily digested along side nature and every day's deliciousness. My new student called this morning...a student who did not show up for our first meeting last Thursday and who I had given up on. She apologized and appears to be ready to meet me. Again a sign of promise.

November 7, 2012: My faith in America is restored: What a victory last night with Obama winning reelection, more women, including the first openly Lesbian woman, being elected to the Senate and all four marriage equality state amendments passing. We won more easily than I imagined and the results were known earlier than I expected. Just as I did in 2008, as Ohio went to Obama I called my daughter. She was on mass transit heading home after three hours of Japanese and had been on pins and needles wondering the outcome. So my call was a positive one. We both shared our excitement and she and her girl friend were then going to drop by the free election party down the block at the Doug Fir Lounge. “What a great place you live in,” I said. “I can't wait to see your new home on Sunday.” And she and her girl friend can't wait for our visit either. With all its messiness, with all its chaos, I will miss this life, I thought to myself.

Similar to 2008 I had tears, though not as many! I was stunned actually and relieved. I have prayed and meditated constantly on this outcome. Obama's Victory Speech had his usual depth of wisdom and the knowledge that our future, our future as a humanity, rests with our diversity and our coming together in sacred community. He puts into eloquent words what I have so long believed.

Now I just want to rest my political/social mind for awhile in preparation for finding ways to strengthen my writer's voice and to give myself the courage to shout out my beliefs of love and connection while participating in community organizations that hold my inclusive, multicultural values. These next four years aren't going to be easy, but my hope is strengthened that more fairness and justice will prevail for all of us.

© 2012