From My Journal: Love Rules

February 10, 2012: My teen mom had “Baby Bentley” this week. I find this student to be a sweet, soulful and extremely vulnerable young woman. Naturally, when I heard of Bentley's arrival, I relished this new beginning of life, yet wondered what sort of childhood he will have. Like her own mother, my teen will be a single mom trying to make it in a world that does not especially embrace those below the hetero/family normal.

She has her mom, she has her grandparents, she has a home teacher and she has a high school ready to support her progress towards graduation. The positive of her pregnancy is that it has motivated this bright youth to put more energy into her school work. I am never sure why it takes the radical act of having a baby to nudge these drifting, at-risk adolescents towards a better education.

These teen births always bring up memories of my own daughter's birth and swift passage through childhood. A sweet pain hits my belly as I am reminded of how so many of my life passages have come and gone. I also flash forward to my Queer adult daughter who every day has to hear or see a critical allusion to why her fundamental identity, who she is, is wrong. If I want an earful of unsubstantiated statements and naïve stereotypes, all I have to do is listen to the the Republican Primary candidates. Thank goodness I can tune them out.

But a prime example of what my daughter lives through comes from a controversy closer to home. Her part-time, college supporting employment is with J.C. Penney's. They have been revamping their ad campaign, getting rid of coupons and continual “sales.” There has been one T.V. spot I absolutely love: women are screaming as they tear up expired coupons, realize they have missed sales deadlines, etc. I e-mailed my daughter that no doubt as a customer service rep she too has felt like screaming. When JCP chose Ellen DeGeneres as their spokesperson, I was ecstatic. I thought my daughter would be pleased, but she is a “younger Lesbian” who forgets how much Ellen has and is doing for LGBTQ causes and is colored by what she might dub, Ellen's “merely another celebrity” status.

My daughter is not “out” where she works. She does not actively hide who she is, but in all phases of her existence must she shout her difference? And who is it that labels her as different? And why? But I'm getting off the track. I love Ellen. I don't watch her daily show, but I love that she speaks freely about her marriage to Portia, her continual fight for marriage equality and non-discrimination for LGBTQ. The public glimpses of her personal life are to me statements about how similar all families and loving partnerships are. The supportive tide of marriage equality and LGBTQ rights is rising, but the haters are hanging on. With Ellen's JCP spokespersonship has come the Internet founding of a group calling themselves, “The Million Moms.” These moms are rallying to criticize JCP for their choice of Ellen, saying JCP has lost sight of their “traditional values” and urging people not to shop there.

I would not have been aware of this controversy if my daughter hadn't sent me a video clip from The Ellen Show. I'm continually scouting for good LGBTQ news to e-mail my daughter and this week is off to a running start: California's Proposition 8 (anti-marriage equality) has been declared unconstitutional and the state legislature of Washington voted to approve same-sex marriage. In response to my good news, my daughter forwarded me Ellen's public statement to her JCP critics. Ellen spoke with humor and honesty and the tears started streaming down my face (again). JCP is not backing down, and on the Million Moms' Facebook page, replies are flowing in such as “I guess I'll have to shop at JCP now.” My daughter wrote how she feels better working at a place that isn't caving in to such discrimination. And her mother feels better too.

So it's been an eventful week of birth and hope, tears and concern, where I find myself shouting out to my daughter and to others who might listen that love rules! At the end of her talk, Ellen describes herself as honest and compassionate and loving. Wouldn't it be wonderful if all humans were raised to be so, and all babies could grow up in a world of pure love without a thought to race, creed, gender or sexual orientation? Long ago as we formed America's innovative new government, weren't there words written down with the above in mind?

© 2012